i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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