all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
