One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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