i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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