Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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