PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
