We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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