so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
