I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
