Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
