Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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