my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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