Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
