Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
