I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
