umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
porn star boner night. come get it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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