he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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