Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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