Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
organizing the empties. That sober.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
