Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
