Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I did not marry a roomba.
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