I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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