I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
