OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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