Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize