wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
