I could make wine with my vomit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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