Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize