Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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