Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
too bad you live with your parents still
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
