mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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