yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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