i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
