one two three fourrrrnication!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
