Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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