Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
