Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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