So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
