i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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