only if we run a train.
done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
