Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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