So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm too high and old for this...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
