Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
