Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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