I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
