Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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