I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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