also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
