I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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