dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
