Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
