We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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