You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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