I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
