Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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