Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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