It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
