I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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