Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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