nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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