Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This house was built for laser tag.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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