Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
