.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
