i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Houston, we have a squirter
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
