The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize