no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
