He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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