I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
