now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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