i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
