dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
