we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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